[009] fire

29/01/2011 § Leave a comment

Okay, I admit…I forgot about my blog for the past few days.

I’m actually attempting to cook dinner tonight with my brother- if I could ever get away from the damned computer.


[008] gleam

24/01/2011 § Leave a comment


I don’t have much to say. I missed my work out for the day and I just generally feel worn out. Too much stress.


I leave you with my favorite video!



[007] My Stress Level

22/01/2011 § Leave a comment

Buddhist monk

Of course I am. I think everyone gets stressed at some point in their life. Sadly, some people are always stressed out. I'm probably one of those people. I tend to stress about the little things. Even if it has nothing to do with me, like, my brother finding a job or not. Or if my dad has enough money each month to be able to have all of his medications. (Though, I know he has great insurance coverage- I always worry.)

Lately, I've been doing the only thing I can do.


Powered by Plinky

[006] The Trevor Project

21/01/2011 § Leave a comment

Just a few moments ago, I added the SocialVibe widget to my page. Though I have donated to many charities over the past few years- In light of the suicides, The Trevor Project is something I think needs more attention and support.

The Trevor Project is an American non-profit organization that operates the only nationwide, around-the-clock crisis and suicide prevention helpline for LGBTQ youth.

By clicking on the widget located on the right hand side of the page, you will be doing your part in helping a cause that is really dear to me. Hate runs rampant in our society and LGBTQ youth are up to four times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers.

Bullying and hate speech in any form or fashion; skin color, sexual orientation, gender orientation, or religion is abhorrent.

Being a homosexual myself, I was subject to a myriad of hate- most of which came from my own family. I was outcast at school, I was alone at home- and numerous times I contemplated suicide. It’s a painful and lonely experience…but there is always hope.

If you or someone you know is LGBTQ, depressed or contemplating suicide because of the intolerance and hate of others- please call the Trevor Hotline.

1 (866) 4-U-Trevor

1 (866) 488-7386

The Trevor Project Website

[005] word.

21/01/2011 § Leave a comment

I got something unexpected in the mail today. I’m not allowed to say what it was, exactly– but it did make me extremely happy. Thank you so much, Yoko! It means so much to me that you did that! I really am blessed to have such amazing friends in my life. And my beautiful girlfriend. It makes up for the other things that I have dealt with.

いま頭が痛い。ww 助けてくれ。~ It seems I’ve grown rather tired as well.

I hate to admit it, but today has been very unproductive. Not like there’s much I really need to do. (Lie, I probably should have studied some. It’s still early. I’ll do that.)  I have all the forms/documents that I need…scholarship…all of that good stuff. All that’s left to do is pick Remi up and leave.

Which, I’m very excited for.

These side effects are really kicking my ass today. I’ve felt sick to my stomach for days straight. I hate the feeling. It keeps me from wanting to do much of anything. Though as much as my body rebelled, I did work out today. I think I only did about 30 minutes before I felt like I was going to be sick.
But hey,  at least I did something. Right? I have lost quite a bit of weight. When I left Texas (sometime before Christmas) I was about 145 and in a size 9, depending on where I bought my jeans, the size fluctuated. Now, I’m 134 and I wear between a 4-6. Given my height- I’m actually feeling pretty comfortable in my skin. I still have a lot of things I want to do, because deep down I am vain- but also because I just want to be healthy.

I love running.

I think Haruki Murakami said it best;

“Without a solid base of physical strength, you can’t accomplish anything very intricate or demanding. That’s my belief. If I did not keep running, I think my writing would be very different from what it is now.”

The more I run, the better I feel. The better I feel- the stronger I feel- both mentally and physically.

I don’t know what else to say, today.

*Picture taken from: Emotasia


20/01/2011 § 2 Comments

I’ve been staring at this page for almost an hour now. This medication that I just finally got weaned off of…still has some lingering side effects. Sadly, this includes some pretty severe mental fog. So, my thoughts are floating around in my head yet- I can’t figure out proper ways to express myself. Sucks, huh?
The lingering pains are a bitch too. I’ve looked up this med numerous times and it seemed that…everyone I came across had the worst experiences while taking it. And the pains afterward are Hell. It does it’s job, yeah. But the side effects aren’t worth it. It’s frustrating that they produce all this medication where the side effects end up being worse than the actual problem it treats. (IE: DEATH?)

The nausea let up somewhat today. Though it seems the later I stay up at night, the worse it gets. So I’m not helping my cause by being up at 3 a.m.
I neglected working out today, though I did still keep to my diet as far as what I consumed.

Later, after I sleep, I will run for a good 2 hours at least.

Things were good today, except…
I miss my girlfriend, though. We have been together so long and that feeling never goes away…I love being around her. And, everything about her. I hate being apart for this long. Though, I know, it’s not for much longer.

[003] 白蓮

19/01/2011 § 1 Comment

I’ve made up my mind to try and post on here daily; A few sentences, maybe a picture or two. It’s better than not posting at all. I’ve also decided that I would post a review on a Japanese/Korean product every so often. I’ve always found that when I wanted to try something new- there were scarcely any reviews about the product I wanted to try.

Lately I’ve purchased quite a few different things. As soon as I have a good chance to try them all out, I will post detailed reviews for each of them. (All including pics; before and after, online resources…)

Some of the things I have so far are;

Skin 79 BB cream (four different kinds)
Gatsby Quick Moving Mist
Palty (Sakura Creamy and Hard Gold Brown)
Kracie Umino Uruoi So Rinse In Shampoo
Bison Apple Lip Cream
Gatsby Oil Control Face Wash


….and quite a few other things.

On another note; today wasn’t very eventful. For working out diligently, every day, I decided to treat myself to a small ice green tea latte. (Matcha has to be my absolute favorite thing. Ice cream, latte’s, cakes…I just love the taste. Ahh…I have such a bad sweet tooth.)

After that, I purchased some fish, had a random encounter with some strange lady, then came back home. I supposed I should have done more today but it ended up just being a ‘relax’ day.

Tomorrow, everything starts up more intensely than before. There’s so much left to do and increasingly little time to do it in. And with my brother just now moving back to my dad’s house- things…have gotten more stressful. He’s family and all but…he has this way of getting under my skin without doing much of anything.



“Be lamps unto yourselves.
Be refuges unto yourselves.
Take yourself no external refuge.
Hold fast to the truth as a lamp.
Hold fast to the truth as a refuge.
Look not for a refuge in anyone besides yourselves….”

– Quoted in Joseph Goldstein, The Experience of Insight


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