19/02/2011 § Leave a comment
I write this laying here in a lovely hotel bed, still in Louisiana. With the prospect that our passports are arriving any day now- our departure date is imminent. That fact should be exciting in itself- but at this moment I feel less than excited. Sometimes you just have to stop and wonder whats going on; your past choices, your life now, and your life in the future. I know they say that the future is supposed to be a mystery and that the past is supposed to be history- but all of this things make who you are today. If you had never made those mistakes, then where would be be? Still making the same mistakes over over? Would you learn from them? Where do the lines of mistakes end and cross the lines of ‘self worth’ begin? Maybe I feel like I’m not making sense, but even then- I know these words will make sense to someone.
I’ve made so many mistakes- in relationships- both social and romantic, in my family, in life in general.
Maybe here are some things that I don’t understand.
But I wasn’t put here on this earth to understand everything- not right off. Nothing inside of myself is going to become fully enlightened with out suffering, without mistakes. The trips and falls, the scrapes that I have attained..those should amount for something.
Sometimes you have to look inside, past all of the flaws and the insecurities…past these notions of ‘being fat’, or ‘always wrong’ or ‘never good enough.’ There is some kind of worth in everyone- I know this even if im having a hard time trying to find it.
PS…want to see SuckerPunch SO bad.