[005] word.

21/01/2011 § Leave a comment

I got something unexpected in the mail today. I’m not allowed to say what it was, exactly– but it did make me extremely happy. Thank you so much, Yoko! It means so much to me that you did that! I really am blessed to have such amazing friends in my life. And my beautiful girlfriend. It makes up for the other things that I have dealt with.

いま頭が痛い。ww 助けてくれ。~ It seems I’ve grown rather tired as well.

I hate to admit it, but today has been very unproductive. Not like there’s much I really need to do. (Lie, I probably should have studied some. It’s still early. I’ll do that.)  I have all the forms/documents that I need…scholarship…all of that good stuff. All that’s left to do is pick Remi up and leave.

Which, I’m very excited for.

These side effects are really kicking my ass today. I’ve felt sick to my stomach for days straight. I hate the feeling. It keeps me from wanting to do much of anything. Though as much as my body rebelled, I did work out today. I think I only did about 30 minutes before I felt like I was going to be sick.
But hey,  at least I did something. Right? I have lost quite a bit of weight. When I left Texas (sometime before Christmas) I was about 145 and in a size 9, depending on where I bought my jeans, the size fluctuated. Now, I’m 134 and I wear between a 4-6. Given my height- I’m actually feeling pretty comfortable in my skin. I still have a lot of things I want to do, because deep down I am vain- but also because I just want to be healthy.

I love running.

I think Haruki Murakami said it best;

“Without a solid base of physical strength, you can’t accomplish anything very intricate or demanding. That’s my belief. If I did not keep running, I think my writing would be very different from what it is now.”

The more I run, the better I feel. The better I feel- the stronger I feel- both mentally and physically.

I don’t know what else to say, today.

*Picture taken from: Emotasia


20/01/2011 § 2 Comments

I’ve been staring at this page for almost an hour now. This medication that I just finally got weaned off of…still has some lingering side effects. Sadly, this includes some pretty severe mental fog. So, my thoughts are floating around in my head yet- I can’t figure out proper ways to express myself. Sucks, huh?
The lingering pains are a bitch too. I’ve looked up this med numerous times and it seemed that…everyone I came across had the worst experiences while taking it. And the pains afterward are Hell. It does it’s job, yeah. But the side effects aren’t worth it. It’s frustrating that they produce all this medication where the side effects end up being worse than the actual problem it treats. (IE: DEATH?)

The nausea let up somewhat today. Though it seems the later I stay up at night, the worse it gets. So I’m not helping my cause by being up at 3 a.m.
I neglected working out today, though I did still keep to my diet as far as what I consumed.

Later, after I sleep, I will run for a good 2 hours at least.

Things were good today, except…
I miss my girlfriend, though. We have been together so long and that feeling never goes away…I love being around her. And, everything about her. I hate being apart for this long. Though, I know, it’s not for much longer.

[003] 白蓮

19/01/2011 § 1 Comment

I’ve made up my mind to try and post on here daily; A few sentences, maybe a picture or two. It’s better than not posting at all. I’ve also decided that I would post a review on a Japanese/Korean product every so often. I’ve always found that when I wanted to try something new- there were scarcely any reviews about the product I wanted to try.

Lately I’ve purchased quite a few different things. As soon as I have a good chance to try them all out, I will post detailed reviews for each of them. (All including pics; before and after, online resources…)

Some of the things I have so far are;

Skin 79 BB cream (four different kinds)
Gatsby Quick Moving Mist
Palty (Sakura Creamy and Hard Gold Brown)
Kracie Umino Uruoi So Rinse In Shampoo
Bison Apple Lip Cream
Gatsby Oil Control Face Wash


….and quite a few other things.

On another note; today wasn’t very eventful. For working out diligently, every day, I decided to treat myself to a small ice green tea latte. (Matcha has to be my absolute favorite thing. Ice cream, latte’s, cakes…I just love the taste. Ahh…I have such a bad sweet tooth.)

After that, I purchased some fish, had a random encounter with some strange lady, then came back home. I supposed I should have done more today but it ended up just being a ‘relax’ day.

Tomorrow, everything starts up more intensely than before. There’s so much left to do and increasingly little time to do it in. And with my brother just now moving back to my dad’s house- things…have gotten more stressful. He’s family and all but…he has this way of getting under my skin without doing much of anything.



“Be lamps unto yourselves.
Be refuges unto yourselves.
Take yourself no external refuge.
Hold fast to the truth as a lamp.
Hold fast to the truth as a refuge.
Look not for a refuge in anyone besides yourselves….”

– Quoted in Joseph Goldstein, The Experience of Insight


[002] family time

17/01/2011 § Leave a comment

Writing things like blogs used to come a bit easier to me- lately I’ve felt a little tense.

Today, I spent some much needed time out of the house with my family.

I started the day by fighting with the cat over who gets to use the blanket- then, who gets to have most of the bed. Peanut finally won, like always. I did manage to study kanji for a little while. I’m getting faster at reading it. I’m so terrified to be completely lost in Japan.

Later, I went with my dad and my step-mom to Cracker Barrell. I hate going out to eat but I enjoy the time spent with my family. But I also hate thinking that pretty soon I’ll be in another country and I won’t be able to see the people that matter to me. In the end I know that it will work out fine. Between work and school, I’ll figure out the right times to call America- I’ll figure out the postal system.

With all of this happening so soon- I can’t help but reflect on things.

The place I grew up was…miserable, for a lack of better words. No matter what I did, every time I turned around someone was pointing out my imperfections.

Somebody was always saying, “You’re stupid, you won’t make it in Japan.”
I’m not sure why my own family chose to tell me those kinds of things. I’ve been planning this for years and, the response has always been the same.

“You’ll never make it.”

That made me work harder than ever to make sure I could do this. My grades in college have always been high, I was the first to graduate high school in my family- I’ve always pushed hard to make other people happy. And, everyone knows that trying to please everyone will only make you miserable in return.
I’ve always wondered why people down talk the dreams of others? Is it because they are sad about how their own lives turned out?

Honestly, the only thing that has gotten me this far is my will to prove every single one of them wrong.

It’s less than a few weeks before I leave…I have a scholarship, a place to stay, a lover who is more supportive of me than anyone I’ve ever known, so many possibilities, so many good friends and select family that stand behind me 100%.

I wonder if they will eat those words…?

Moral: Never listen to those people who try to break you down. Nothing is out of reach if you want it bad enough.

[001] first post

16/01/2011 § 1 Comment

I can’t seem to fine-tune my blog to my liking. I’m assuming it’s because I’ve been so exhausted lately. It’s hard to sleep when my head is over run by thoughts of everything I have to get done before the end of the month…It’s driving me crazy.

On the 31st, I will be on a flight, with my girlfriend, headed to Japan. We found a great apartment in Adachi, where we both will be studying and working long term. And though I know quite a bit of Japanese…I’m preparing myself for some intense culture-shock.

I made this blog specifically for family but I hope that other readers will benefit from reading about our life in Japan as well.